My Incompetent Cervix Pregnancy Journey

Finally! Today I have hit 24 weeks, which means it is officially a viable pregnancy. But man, it has been a LONG 4 weeks between finding out about my short cervix (etc) until today.
I was thinking I would feel a lot more relieved once today came, and don’t get me wrong- I definitely feel some relief…I just thought I would relax a bit. Instead I feel like 24 weeks is not enough. I do know that over all it IS, and that efforts can now be made if he were to come early- I just want him to stay in for as long as humanly possible so he can develop everything he needs to before we meet him. I don’t think the worry will even fully go away (at least until I hit 37 weeks, if I manage to make it that far). I will say though, I am WAY more optimistic today then I was even a few days ago.

I have started packing my hospital bag- this is the first round of packing: Packing for me, incase I have to go into hospital for an extended period of time for monitoring/keeping labour at bay/etc. I think once I hit 32-34 weeks, I’ll re-pack the bag to prep for labour, including baby items and items for my partner. To make it sort of enjoyable I’ve ordered some slightly fancy haircare products and body wash from Sephora, and a few comfy maternity clothes items (including pyjamas and a robe, which I’m excited about).

The rocking chair we have been eyeing since last year when pregnancy was still a dream went on sale this week…20% off. I didn’t want to make any large baby purchases until I was further along, mainly to guard my heart, but I couldn’t pass up savings this big. Yesterday I placed the order- it should arrive in about 3 weeks. When I saw that date in the email my initial thought was ‘I hope I’m not in hospital at that point, otherwise I have NO idea how we will arrange for delivery’. I’m honestly afraid to have it in the house, which sounds ridiculous I know, but if anything bad were to happen…there is no way I would ever be able to look at that chair again. Sometimes the tiny optimistic part of my brain kicks in and says it’s good to buy things like this, plan for the future, get ready for his arrival. I try to cling on to thoughts like that for as long as possible. A lot of the things I’ve ordered will be delivered at various dates throughout the month of June…I think the latest will be June 27th…pessimism is telling me ‘I hope we are still pregnant at that point’ but optimism is saying ‘THIS will get us through the rest of the month, getting to each package delivery date’

Another thing I’ve started is having my favourite chocolate every Sunday- marking a new week in my pregnancy. They are from the UK and I’ve never been able to find them in ANY British Shop in Canada, except for one near my Mom…but since I am not travelling to Ontario this Summer, I’ve had to source them online. I bought 10 packages…that will bring me to 34 weeks. Today I will have the first package (they are Revels, for anyone who is wondering. I had them when I was in London many years ago and became obsessed).

I’ve noticed through writing this blog as well as in every day conversation I always refer to him as ‘baby’ or ‘him’. I can’t seem to use his name (we’ve had his name picked out since about 12 weeks, his first name is a combination of both of our Moms maiden names, and his middle name is after my Dad)- and it’s not because of my anxiety or because of the fact that it’s a high-risk pregnancy- I just feel like I need to meet him before I call him by his name…I don’t know if that is odd or not haha.

This past Friday I had the phone consult with the neonatal nurse at our local hospital. It’s standard for all pregnant women- she just goes over what to do when I go into labour, goes through my medical history, answers any questions I have. She said that because I am at higher risk for pre-term labour she won’t get into all of the info at this appointment, but to reach back out at the end of July if I haven’t gone into labour yet and she will give me the rest of the info so as not to overwhelm me now. We are also starting our prenatal classes next week- sadly they are on zoom (I think they all are in my area nowadays)- I was really looking forward to in class ones, but I’m still glad to be doing them. Next week’s class will touch on preterm labour…the timing is excellent haha This has been one of my biggest worries lately- not knowing if I am in preterm labour. I’ve read that sometimes women miss the signs, and I worry I will be one of those people.

This week I’ve got a wedding dress fitting Tuesday (partner and I are supposed to get married end of July…just a tiny micro wedding. Optimism is telling me we will be able to do it and not reschedule until next year), Wednesday I have therapy (I’ve been seeing my therapist for years, but I HIGHLY recommend anyone dealing with an incompetent cervix to reach out to one. It has helped manage my thoughts and feeling immensely) and finally on Thursday I have my next MFM TVU ultrasound to check my cervix.

Today is a good day.